THIS IS IMPORTANT:

Hey. 
Do you know what's shit?
This weird expectation that we're supposed to just BE HAPPY all the time.
WHO DECIDED that we have to be happy ALL-THE-TIME?



Guess what.
We don't have to be happy all the time. 

Guess what else? 
We aren't happy all the time. 
We just  can't talk about it because we get in trouble or we're simply told otherwise.

"Depressed!? Nonsense! You have a roof over your head & people that love you. Children in Africa starve to death and you don't see them being "depressed". Besides, you're so SKINNY! You're not allowed to be depressed. If I were that skinny I would be happy all the time."  

Depression is not embarrassing.
People still just don't really get it.

Kind of like how being weird isn't embarrassing, people just don't get it. Being weird is awesome. I' m weird.

I have had some lovely, beautiful wonderful people tell me that they are struggling.
They are so sheepish!
They only come to me because they know that I know how it feels.

They cannot go to friends or family, because they might not understand. They might not understand that happy people get depressed. Skinny people get depressed. Successful people get depressed. Rich people. Fat people. Funny people. Stupid people. Anyone can get depressed. Just because yesterday they were frolicking in a field of sunflowers singing Abba, doesn't mean SHIT if TODAY they are depressed.

If someone tells you that maybe, they might be feeling depressed, for the love of God, just be cool.

I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO JUSTIFY TO THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE, THAT THEY SHOULD NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH SOME KIND OF WEIRD SECRET SHAME WHEN LIVING WITH DEPRESSION IS ALREADY TOO HARD AS IT IS.









SOMETHING COOL THAT HAPPENED

Guys!
Something cool happened!
I was contacted by a lady named Kira who works in a gallery in the UK.

blah blah blah details details boring TO CUT A LONG STORY SHORT

My crazy cartoons were exhibited in this group show! 

and my image of The Black Dog made it to the poster! 
Wooo! Go little doggy, we'll fix you yet!



Some of the cartoons on display include:
The Bunny Story
Further Adventures with the black dog : What does depression look like? I don't know.
and the black dog piece from A Bad Week







This is pretty cool guys. 

For someone with some silly self loathing problems, this is a great achievement! I'm a bit proud of myself I think!? Wait until I tell my psychologist about this!

A Daily Lie; A Sad Post.


One of the hardest things about being depressed for me is having to interact with people.
Happy people are undoubtedly the most difficult to encounter.

When I had depression (and I could actually manage to get the courage to go outside and socialise,) I remember coming across some really, genuinely cheerful people. When I went home, I would cry and cry and cry because it was just so easy for them, they weren't even trying to be happy. 

Everyday when I went out I put on my normal person mask (click for relevant blog post).
You've probably figured this out, I was a big time drama student. Everyone in my class thought I would go on to be an AC-TOR (read that word dramatically, like Ahck *pause*Tore)

My point is I was pretty good at faking happy, even though it took a lot of my energy.

I remember one day I went out to Woolworths and I was having a particularly low day. I did not feel like being pretend happy. I felt like feeling what I felt like. You heard me...

When I got to the checkout (before those AMAZING self serve checkouts came along, I love those things. No human interaction? I'll take 20)

Anyway I was probably buying noodles and biscuits or hotdogs, considering that was my diet back then. Anyway, I got to the check out & this happened: 

Pleasant Checkout Lady: Hi how are you today?
Me: I am...I'm bad.
Still being pleasant lady:...oh! Why's that?
Me: I don't really know.

Pleasant Lady: Well, it's the weekend tomorrow so surely that'll cheer you up!
Me: Maybe.


I got my bags and walked away.
She asked the next customer how they were today. The next customer was good, thanks.

I went home and I cried. Because I knew the weekend would not cheer me up.





The problem with being open minded is that ignorance is bliss.



I decided in High School that it was important to question things and not just believe what you're told.
I decided to try and learn more about lots of things instead of focusing on one way of thinking. 
At the time I was going to a school that wouldn't teach students about dinosaurs because they aren't relevant to the religious curriculum, so when I started to realise that not all life is relevant to the bible, it was rather cool.

I was “Being open minded”.


The problem I encountered was that there are things happening in the World that are most unsettling and I simply cannot understand them, I try, I try, I try but I can’t. 


"Why would this happen? How could they do that? Why did they think that would work? How many people died? What do you mean child sex slaves/Puppy farms/Poverty?"





Let’s stop there because I think you get the point.

So what I need is a filter.
I haven't invented one yet so I try to avoid really nasty topics otherwise my head explodes and I get really, really upset.
I hope that soon I will find a pleasant balance between the rainbows & the explosion in the drawing so that I can continue to learn about the World around me without having an anxiety attack.


xoxo

Further adventures with the Black Dog: What does depression look like? I don't know.

Maybe, Depression looks like a scary Ridley Scott Alien, but more like a person.

 
Maybe, Depression has big long scary fingers which hang creepily and inflict nastiness on folks.

Maybe depression looks like a great big bully that picks you up and fucks with you.
But maybe it only acts that way because it had a rough childhood, and this is the only way it can deal with its feelings.



 Maybe it is the same size and shape as me, but it looks how I feel.
We do not know what it looks like.

Maybe like this:
 Or this:


All we know is that we don't want to see it 'round these parts no more.




Avocado is the cure.

Earlier in the year I posted a facebook status that got a pretty good response. I didn't intend it to be deep or meaningful, but it seemed to smack people in the face with profoundness or something, I dunno.



Here's the story & A cartoon, I drew myself with my old hair style.


 9 January 2012

 Today, I bought an avocado and it made me so happy. 

At first it made me a little happy, but then I remembered that 4 years ago I was so depressed I felt like I would never be happy again, I felt like my depression was eternal. 
But then I kicked depression's stupid butt and am so grateful that I can be happy over something so simple as an avocado. 

So if you're feeling depressed, remember it's not forever even though it feels like it, and then go buy yourself an Avocado.