So Blarry is depression, and he's all up in your shit.
People are like "Yeah you just need to excercise and eat well and you'll feel better".
But it's not really that simple, because you've got Blarry on your back, holding you in bed, telling you to order a pizza.
He's a damn jerk and he doesn't leave.
No one invited him, he just appeared, and stayed, and made a mess of your whole life.
God dammit Blarry.
So you just stay at home with him, because if you go out, he'll probably follow you and you'll have to carry him everywhere, and he is just so, so heavy.
So it's easier to just stay in bed and eat BBQ shapes for dinner.
Okay so lately I've been worrying myself sick.
Worrying myself sick is what got me diagnosed with anxiety over 10 years ago.
I would worry about everything.
Every little thing.
Stuff that didn't matter at all, I would worry about it.
I've been doing it again lately.
Let me try to explain it to you.
You know how as an adult you have to deal with a lot of annoying little things that just have to be done? Talking on the phone, filling out forms, eating well, saving money, just general shit you need to get done?
Well let me tell you... I am worried about all of those things.
And it can get a little out of control.
I can't find the nozzle bit for the vacuum cleaner.
I need the nozzle bit so I can vacuum.
If I can't find the nozzle, that means I can't vacuum, which means my room will be dusty and dirty.
I'm allergic to dustmites.
So my allergies will get bad.
When my allergies get bad I get really tired, and if i'm really tired I don't get all my work done and I don't cook good food, if I don't get my work done or eat good food, I get stressed that I am going to have no job and my health will deteriorate rapidly which will probably lead to me living on the streets and having a heart attack by age 25.
On top of that, I need to make 10 phone calls, reply to 50 emails, Finish up 5 different freelance jobs that I needed to have finished last week, Sort out some stupid paperwork, not spend money on shit I don't need but If I can't find the nozzle to the vacuum cleaner well then ...
So, now try to visualise everything I just described is physically looming above my head.
Now visualise all of those looming things, shrinking down, and sitting in my stomach. Stirring around and tying knots.
And that is what it feels like when I worry myself sick.
When I was making the above gifs, this little fuck-mangle happened, and I think it's pretty appropriate, because sometimes I feel like this also:
Depression personified, and by 'personified' I mean...'monsterified'.
I have a few drawings that feature this character, I will post them soon, he's such a dick.
I wanted to give him a name. But I couldn't think of anything.
The best I could come up with was "Blarry". Which is STUPID.
I've had this blog post lying around for a couple of days, but I wanted to write something to go with it.
And this ^ is the best I can do.
Hello sweet loves, please be aware that I am currently in complete control of my depression and anxiety and I'm managing really well. Most of my blog posts are thoughts in retrospect, now that my head is clear I'm able to communicate the horrible, yucky, dark times in simple pictures.
I am okay. Thank you for your concerns.
Also, if you share this image I would love it if you could link back to this blog