One of the hardest things about being depressed for me is having to interact with people.
Happy people are undoubtedly the most difficult to encounter.
When I had depression (and I could actually manage to get the courage to go outside and socialise,) I remember coming across some really, genuinely cheerful people. When I went home, I would cry and cry and cry because it was just so easy for them, they weren't even trying to be happy.
You've probably figured this out, I was a big time drama student. Everyone in my class thought I would go on to be an AC-TOR (read that word dramatically, like Ahck *pause*Tore)
My point is I was pretty good at faking happy, even though it took a lot of my energy.
I remember one day I went out to Woolworths and I was having a particularly low day. I did not feel like being pretend happy. I felt like feeling what I felt like. You heard me...
When I got to the checkout (before those AMAZING self serve checkouts came along, I love those things. No human interaction? I'll take 20)
Anyway I was probably buying noodles and biscuits or hotdogs, considering that was my diet back then. Anyway, I got to the check out & this happened:
Pleasant Checkout Lady: Hi how are you today?
Me: I am...I'm bad.
Still being pleasant lady:...oh! Why's that?
Me: I don't really know.
Pleasant Lady: Well, it's the weekend tomorrow so surely that'll cheer you up!
Me: Maybe.
I got my bags and walked away.
She asked the next customer how they were today. The next customer was good, thanks.
I went home and I cried. Because I knew the weekend would not cheer me up.
